Then there is me stubbornly refusing to get back under the umbrella out of spite. XD

I dunno I tried and got punished for it. I'm good on my own.

I tried telling people making "They/Them" into the default pronoun would create a damaging stereotype that would hinder anyone using anything else for probably decades.

Nobody listened now I cant go anywhere without my pronouns being assumed to be they/them despite being EXTREMELY vocal that they are not.

my own therapist who really is trying her best has fucked this up MULTIPLE TIMES because of the stereotype.

Now I'm going to be stuck correcting people FOREVER and its because NB people allowed a default to exist.

I'll get over this grudge when cishets STOP assigning me they/them as an ASSUMPTION.

"They/Them" = Nonbinary and vice versa is going to be how Cishets treat NB people forever and its because as a community it was not pushed back on from the start.

Like I'm an author and whenever I advise on an NB character I have to scream at people not to use "They/Them" under ANY circumstances because we now have a fucking stereotype to dismantle and its because nobody listened to me when it was forming.

I warned people and was shouted down.

There should NEVER have been a standard we should have been clear about that from the start.

I have an anxiety disorder and its... extreme having to correct even well meaning people like my therapist because of this built up "They/them = NB" mindset is incredibly draining and its not even their fault.

The community sent the wrong messages and -anyone- who tried to say 'this is a bad idea' go shouted down.

Now I'll have to deal with this probably for the last few years I'll be alive. Thanks I hate it.

I'm not trying to gatekeep anyone I left to be on my own because I felt betrayed by a majority that somehow failed to grasp the irony.

@Rasp yeah, hard agree on this

I technically use any pronouns and like, any means any, not "keep using the same you always used for me", or "choose one once and use it forever"

I've taken to keep changing it tactically to see if I can get people to get used to changing it out of literal conditioning

you know what's depressing? the pronouns someone uses are actually a great way of expressing a characters personality.

I legit think "My pronouns are motherfucker/that motherfucker" says quite a bit about that character's sense of self.

Will this ever be taken advantage of? No because cishet writers will never think outside the box in that way.

@Rasp I feel this way too. I’m nonbinary, but dislike they/them for myself. I usually just say I’m a trans woman when talking to cishets because I strongly prefer she to they, and I don’t even bother trying to get them to understand fae/faer - it’s just too much for them to comprehend it seems.

@AnnaInSask yeah they wanted to shove all of us in a third box and the collective mostly stood by and let it happen.

@Rasp exactly. I love neopronouns, they’re so much more interesting and revealing of the complexity of gender identity. Nonbinary is a huge spectrum and I hate that it’s being pushed into box labeled they/them.

@AnnaInSask
I know right??

@Rasp this sucks so much, I'm really sorry that you're going through this

also, thanks for sharing it, I try to stress exactly this kind of thing to people, i.e. "no, it's not good enough to only add a 3rd androgynous body type in your character creator and call that inclusion for nb people & be done with it", and same with pronouns, but the pushback is relentless, and hearing accounts like this gives me reason to keep at it and not back down

@brocolie
What's funny is like there is a game that did this right and its ROM 2064. just a text thing to enter your pronouns which is fine.

its fine if you wanna put some defaults but give me a text box I can enter mine into.

Or enter my characters use it as a way to express whatever character I'm roleplaying.

@brocolie
I like the idea of a third body type but like... any body type should be allowed to be NB.

@AnnaInSask

its just exhausting especially when its my therapist I have to correct. I don't go to therapy to educate her.

@Rasp @AnnaInSask I find cis people exhausting in general

and they're pretty much all I have around me irl

@AnnaInSask

She's even like "You shouldn't have to feel responsible to educate everyone else." and well the community dropped the fucking ball so it fall back on me regardless.

@Rasp most therapists don’t get it. The only one I have been to that I didn’t have to educate was nonbinary themselves. Got them through a local queer charity though so they’re better educated on this stuff.

@Rasp @AnnaInSask this literally happened to me with a global head of diversity and inclusion at the job too

like, literally almost word to word when I explained that I was doing all of that because I needed to, not because I wanted to

@Rasp yup, ROM is fantastic on that

@Rasp yup, that's the point

the body types shouldn't be gendered, and it's much more inclusive and engaging if you give people the ability to mix and match characteristics, or better yet, add some sliders.

while at it, leave the voice pitch and pronouns / way you're addressed as free choices as well, not tied to one package

but instead of doing the thing at once, we have to fight tooth & nail for every single inch

Content warning: long Click to open/close

@brocolie @Rasp
I cannot believe this is up for discussion internally as a trans community, and I totally agree

We must celebrate our diversity, not sterotype and rigidly gatekeep internally. As trans we share a common fight for full acceptance vs cis/heteronormative folk?

@brocolie
I think the term is "fuck you got mine"